Le Petit Matin

It’s happening, but not yet.

When the Lord put the longing of serving in Paris in my heart, He put it as a burning flame. I wake up in the morning dreaming of my community there and go to sleep with prayers of safety and comfort for those in need.

Since graduating, life has gone completely different that I imagined and hallelujah for that. You see, there’s this crazy myth that graduating means I’m supposed to have my life together, a great career, impressive apartment and a checking account that allows for all the extras in life.  Then there’s reality where getting by is celebrated and paying of student loans is priority. Where what’s in my checking account means nothing to me when I see a kid rummaging through trash on the side of the street. Where serving doesn’t just mean to the poor, but also to the wealthy, because let’s face it: we’re all in need of a Savior and we’re desperate to belong and to be loved. Where Paris will come, mais pas encore because where God has me right now is exactly where He wants me.

Trusting in the Lord is a journey in itself. It starts with humbling myself of my knowledge and ways, and understanding His goodness even when I don’t see his plan.

It’s rejoicing in each day because the Lord is faithful

and the Lion has conquered and hallelujah for that.

It’s giving up all I have to find all I’ll ever need is in Him.

Lent always sneaks up on me and I usually spend the first week thinking of something to give up. This year it wasn’t Facebook, sweets or coffee. It wasn’t like that at all, actually. It was a lot harder. It was giving up my idea of beauty. You see, my definition of beauty has been shaped by the media, society, and unrealistic expectations.  Throw that into a pot and mix it with my judgmental, prideful, yet insecure heart and it’s now a habit of subconsciously comparing and criticizing other women’s appearances.  This of course happens most on the metro. Nobody likes the metro and no one likes anyone else on the metro, especially during rush hour.  It’s crowded and there are six people touching you at all times.  This loss of personal space also means a lack of filter for how I feel about these people.

Lent was the period of time that I realized how ugly my heart could be and so this became my 40 day challenge of finding women on the metro beautiful.  It’d start with me catching myself wanting to compare myself to someone. Then it’d turn into “She is a child of God. She was made by the Creator of all things. She is really beautiful. I wonder if she believes that”.

40 days of standing on the metro and repeating this to myself not only changed the way I viewed the metro, rush hour and Parisian women, it changed how I view myself. Now it’s a daily reminder that is quickly redefining and revolutionizing my once weak idea of beauty.

You are a child of God.

You were made by the Creator of all things.

You are really beautiful.

I wonder if you believe that.

I really hope you do.

Paris is the dream, so they say.  It’s a magical place of endless croissants, crêpes, and baguettes.  It’s a place where getting lost means finding my new favorite pâtisserie.  It’s a place filled with history, architecture, and museums.  It’s a place where I can now call home.

It’s also a place that, within the first week of moving here, made me feel empty.  It’s easy to fall in love with this place.  I mean, the people, food, and culture are nothing short of extraordinary.  But why am I here? Better yet, who am I here for? Every time I asked myself these questions, my answers left me dissatisfied.

I want something more than the smell of coffee and bread to wake me up in the morning.

I want purpose.  

I want to know that when I leave this place, I’m not just leaving with crêpes in my belly and artsy photos on my instagram.  I want to leave with more than what money can buy.

Eight days after moving here I found my answer.  An answer that left me awed and amazed at the love and care God has for me.  An answer that gives me the privilege of teaching ESL (English as a second language) to men, women, and children from all over the world.

Community. Learning. Growth. Purpose. Jesus.

My internship with this organization gives me everything I need and want and have been lacking.  It mixes my life and my story with people with different stories and backgrounds. It gives us the opportunity to journey through our new lives in Paris together.

This is better than baguettes and coffee in the morning. This is relationships and learning and growing with the children of God.  This is purpose.